I'm really tired now... I dont know what my parents want from me... Am i really that lousy? Am I really that imcompetent? I feel like a magnet in a pile of iron fillings; everything is just coming to me a one time, and i i cant take it anymore. My father is like the big bad wolf to me right now, and i am the balloon; and he just keeps huffing puffing till i explodes. Today my mother said that i was selfish because I didn't even want to take sometime to go pay respect to my grandfather... You know what? It's because whenever i go there i will only be reminded once again that he is no longer here.... I rather keep myself busy with my work and stay at home to have some time to relax and calm myself down. I am really stressed. My father keeps telling me to fold my clothes, wash my clothes, pack my room, do this do that. But the problem is: I DONT EVEN HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO COMPLETE MY HOMEWORK. I RATHER LEAVE MY CLOTHES IN THE BASKET THAN TO GET A DETENTION. But guess he just dont get it. To him housework is more important. But the irony is that his table is equally messy. I know that my parents might read this, but i can't care much right now. I really need to type this out since there's no one i can talk to... I am just a lonely person, that no one seems to be bothered about. If i don't type this out, I'm afraid i might just go crazy. I serious. I might go mad. I'm not sure if i've got depression or not, cause the pen knife looks kinda tempting this few days to my. It looks like it should just land on my wrist. But Im not that stupid to do that kind of thing. I promised myself to take care of my parents no matter what. But i don't know if i am capable enough for them or not. Do i live up to their expectations? I really dont know. Now a days, laughing in school seems kinda tiring already... I don;t know how much longer can I manage all this. I'm typing this out and not telling them straight to my parents because I dont want to knock on the board, who knows how would they react. maybe i get chased out of the house? Maybe they'll slap me? Maybe they'll just tell me straight that I'm the lousiest son in this world? I don't know. But i don't hate them. I am always trying very hard to meet their needs. I'm a perfectionist, a little mistake can cause me to hate myself the whole day. so please, i beg you daddy, stop shooting more things to me for now. i really need some time to catch up to everything before meeting your ever so high expectations. You hardly praise me. but i dont mind. i dont need your praise. i just need you to stop. Just not that even after all this I still love you all, but I'll hate myself more for not being good enough.